1st year - 2nd sem: officially done

So the semester is over. My classes are through, officially. But I couldn't bring myself up to celebrate and yell "Yehey!" with my classmates.

So far, this semester is the best (well, with only 2 semesters, I don't have much choice). I have earned more friends, learned more, had fun more, and discovered a lot. Yes, I did. I love this part of my life. And I don't want to let go.

Can we have an extension?

=(

cinderella, am i?

I had a public speech for my Communications 3 class yesterday. And it was, oh well, different.

About a week ago, our professor defined a dress code for our speeches. Yes, a dress code. Sucks, right? Oh well, the guys were required to wear polo shirts + slacks + dark-colored socks + leather shoes. And we girls had to wear blouses + skirts + pumps. And I had an unbelieving expression plastered on my face. Skirt? Shucks. I haven't worn any skirt after my high school days are over. And pumps? Oh heavens, help me please. I trip when I'm in my Chucks, so what would I expect when I am in pumps? Shucks. And I started panicking.

Well,thanks to my cousin and my roommates. They helped me chose an outfit that wouldn't be too difficult to handle.

I knew I looked well, but the thought itself wasn't too comforting. I am flat-footed, and I am just so lampa. I don't wear skirts because my legs aren't too flattering, plus I don't know how to walk properly. So I had constantly wished for March 19 to just vanish away, which was of course, a wish in vain.

So I changed into my outfit: purple Chinese-inspired blouse + flowery violet and pink skirt + brown pumps. I didn't want to admit it, but I wished that he could see me. Stupid me, our conflicting schedules wouldn't allow us, I knew that. But there was a part of me that still wanted to impress him, so that he would take a second look at me and bam! Just like that, he's in love with me. Yeah right, I was just such a doofus to wish such. But still, I knew that I wanted him to notice me even for the last time since this semester is ending.

And yes, I was in vain. I didn't see him.

So I proceeded to our classroom, careful not to trip (my pumps were just slippery though the floor was dry).

So blah blah blah, I entered our classroom to find several others in the same state as I was, embarrassed and nervous.

I was the eighth to deliver my speech. And my topic was about graduation. It served a double-purpose because I needed a speech for the graduation at my high school. Yeah, I was that pathetic and lazy to compose another speech.

Since there was 5 of us on stage then because we were called by group, I was conscious how to sit or move or just to breathe. I felt like all eyes were on me and that people were observing everything that I was doing. I was just so nervous and giddy. Whew.

I delivered my speech. Done. I was rather emotional then because of nostalgia. I couldn't help it. I missed high school. Ok, I wouldn't start blabbering about my sadness, coz that wouldn't be parallel to my blog's purpose. (yuck, I'm Comm3-ying with all of those purposes).


My groupmates were laughing at my outfit. The kind of jokes that embarrass you and not the way that would make you pikon. Kuya Jhune even joked that I was "nagdadalaga na". Hahaha. Maybe because I was always in a laid-back, unglamorous outfit that it was really new to them to see me wearing such.

So I earned a grade of I-don't-know-what, jokes, and affirmation (thank you, and if you may, a bit of admiration from some of my classmates). I rather enjoyed the speech. I enjoyed my outfit no matter how awkward I felt. I enjoyed listening and watching my classmates.

I knew the experience would be hard to forget. That's for sure. But what I'm surer is that I'm glad to be back in my t-shirt, pants and my beloved Chucks.

what again?

I must be getting over this infatuation thing now. I know this is just a phase, but I myself, cannot believe that. Here he is, and I don't want to let him slip away like I did to the others.

I am burned. I have this intuition that he has his thing for my friend. I wish I am wrong. Or if I am correct, I wish I can overcome my selfish tendency. But whatever. What comes around comes around.

I should not lose faith with my friend, she knows what I feel anyway.

And he was extra caring and smiling when he's with me, not with her. Or maybe that's what I think. Whatever. I am just paranoid. I hate this.

The semester is ending soon and I might never see him again. I should get over this phase and meet the world without expecting him to be there. He is in my world, but am I in his? He is just so unpredictable. One time he's all smiles to me, another he's indifferent. At times he is caring, sometimes he is insensitive. I mean, why send those signs of interest to a girl of he doesn't feel anything? I hate the situation coz nothing's certain. He might just be like that, the sensitive funny one to everybody, and not just to me. But still, there were times when he really is there to me. Whatever.

He barged into my life without any sign. I mean, I didn't really noticed him at first in class coz I have noticed someone else. But one day, he smiled to me and asked for my number so that we can do a group activity together (to think that we are 6 in the group, and the only one that he asked was me). And I was swept off my feet. That was that.

He would walk beside me when we are in the group. He would be lost in thought and when I would look at him, he would look at me and smile. He would ask me mundane questions about our subject for no reason (and I am certain that he already knew the answer).

I would say a really corny joke and he would laugh as if that was the funniest thing he had ever heard, really blushing and almost choking for air. I would carry a big bag and he would carry it for me for God knows how long. And stuff like that.

Now, what should I think? What should I feel? How should I see things? Guys could really be confusing sometimes, if not always. Heck, I have always loved being a girl, except that we should always wait and wait and wait to get noticed and never making the effort to express our sensitive feelings.

What is this gender thing anyway? This is intruding in the flow of my thoughts.

Whatever. The sem's ending, big deal. What would happen would happen, whether I like it or not.

am i a feminist now?

I really don't get it. Okay, so those girls have the confidence to wear those super mini skirts and blouses with plunging necklines. They are pleased with how they look, but hey, they don't look pleasing to others (or at least, not to me).

I was walking last early Friday morning, going to my 7am class when there was this girl in a really short skirt a few meters ahead of me. I didn't really care. But when something that she was holding fell to the ground, she bent low without bending her knees, and hello, she almost showed the whole world her thing. And I mean, what if there was a guy walking behind her? Would she give him the pleasure? Would she stoop that low in her deeds to make papansin? Girl, get lost.

I somehow believe that a person should dress according to how he or she wants to be respected. I see nothing wrong with wearing those kikay clothes, IF AND ONLY IF a girl could carry herself. You don't want to be seen like a whore, do you? Okay, so that was brutal, sorry. But please, if you want to be respected, do look respectable. Looking like a slut wouldn't make you "in"; it would make you look like a fashion victim in return.

So back to that girl. She looked quite good in her outfit, but I would suggest that she must purchase a brand new line of self-respect. Or at least, change the way she's acting. Look good inside and out. If you want to be respected and admired, please do look AND act respectable and admirable.

I am not being entirely a feminist here, coz I don't think female domination would make the world better. I prefer gender equality, and if you, my co-species, don't want to be treated like fragile, fickle females, start with yourself. Project an image that's not so pacute and not the i-am-a-girl-therefore-i-deserve-a-pampering-treatment kind. Hello, we are in a world where women are empowered. So do make use of that prerogative to stand up for yourself and earn the respect you deserve.

You might look pretty, but you act like a slut. Oh come on. Please do something to elevate the female species.