what again?

I must be getting over this infatuation thing now. I know this is just a phase, but I myself, cannot believe that. Here he is, and I don't want to let him slip away like I did to the others.

I am burned. I have this intuition that he has his thing for my friend. I wish I am wrong. Or if I am correct, I wish I can overcome my selfish tendency. But whatever. What comes around comes around.

I should not lose faith with my friend, she knows what I feel anyway.

And he was extra caring and smiling when he's with me, not with her. Or maybe that's what I think. Whatever. I am just paranoid. I hate this.

The semester is ending soon and I might never see him again. I should get over this phase and meet the world without expecting him to be there. He is in my world, but am I in his? He is just so unpredictable. One time he's all smiles to me, another he's indifferent. At times he is caring, sometimes he is insensitive. I mean, why send those signs of interest to a girl of he doesn't feel anything? I hate the situation coz nothing's certain. He might just be like that, the sensitive funny one to everybody, and not just to me. But still, there were times when he really is there to me. Whatever.

He barged into my life without any sign. I mean, I didn't really noticed him at first in class coz I have noticed someone else. But one day, he smiled to me and asked for my number so that we can do a group activity together (to think that we are 6 in the group, and the only one that he asked was me). And I was swept off my feet. That was that.

He would walk beside me when we are in the group. He would be lost in thought and when I would look at him, he would look at me and smile. He would ask me mundane questions about our subject for no reason (and I am certain that he already knew the answer).

I would say a really corny joke and he would laugh as if that was the funniest thing he had ever heard, really blushing and almost choking for air. I would carry a big bag and he would carry it for me for God knows how long. And stuff like that.

Now, what should I think? What should I feel? How should I see things? Guys could really be confusing sometimes, if not always. Heck, I have always loved being a girl, except that we should always wait and wait and wait to get noticed and never making the effort to express our sensitive feelings.

What is this gender thing anyway? This is intruding in the flow of my thoughts.

Whatever. The sem's ending, big deal. What would happen would happen, whether I like it or not.