Defying, or Submitting to, Gravity?

If it wasn't for the anxiety that's nagging inside my head, I would have a good summer.

I would be returning to school tomorrow. I need to get my papers done, signed and ready to be passed to my future new college. And the problem is, where or what is that future new college? God help me, anxiety is eating me.

So I have been spared from being a roadkill. I didn't work hard to become a nonmajor, you know? So bitter. Sorry. But yes, I would become really frustrated if I would just be floating around for a semester. Thank you for BA Sociology, I am no longer bound for futurelessness. Yes, I do like the course, but I like BS Economics better. But I still don't know if they would accept me. *bawl*

I am so uneasy. I am still waiting for my Math100 final grade, which is to be uploaded into the y!group of our class. Our prof promised to do it this afternoon, and until now, it is nowhere! Gesh.. I am so anxious. This would determine if my Econ dream would be pursued or would be forgotten. And I'd rather do the former.

My good friend, Titit, is now a Journ major! Yey! Congratulations! Our prayers worked. Thank God! I hope God won't forsake me too.

Waaaaa.. I am no longer a freshman. And that adds to the pressure that there's a new batch of bright minds waiting to be harnessed. I am now of the upperclassmen, and that's not a plus if you ask me. That puts more tension in me that's kind of an I-am-older-so-I-know-better attitude. Maybe it's really psychological, and it's not really relevant. But really, when you are anxious, you get paranoid too.

I don't know what to do. I have an intuition that I would be accepted in Econ, but I couldn't trust that gut feeling. Maybe I am just carried away by my illusions and dreams. But really, I need to be optimistic to survive this. I just couldn't dwell on my failures. Life goes on, and I need to make the best out of what I have. I know this is just a challenge, a big challenge to be more specific. And I want to, no I need to, get over this. I am going to be alright. Everything's going to be okay. God wouldn't leave me. He loves me and He got the best plan for my life. I am putting my trust in Him.

But still, I couldn't help but feel really down and alone. My uneasiness is climbing up my head. My chest feels heavy and my mind feels cluttered. I do not really hear the television in the background. I do not really see the letters I am typing. All I see is a figment of my imagination, wandering into the events that might and might not happen tomorrow. I need to see all possibilities. And I need to be prepared to face them. God help me.

Should there be anything unexpected that happens tomorrow, I just hope that I would be able to handle it. I know that God wouldn't leave me. He's my only companion tomorrow, and I couldn't afford to lose trust in Him. He's the only one that I could celebrate or cry with, or maybe still wait with for some other results. I know He wouldn't let me down. And that's all that I could do, to close my eyes and pray, to keep me sane and upbeat.

So tomorrow's the day, or maybe one of the days. I don't know. The anticipation of a very good news, or the fear of a terrible challenge to face? I don't know. *sigh*

I really don't know.