you're everything i wanted and more NOT

To you, who will never know that it's you I'm talking to:

Okay. I lied. I made up a story... okay, a couple of stories. They're not really made up, actually. They happened. There was truth behind them, all of them. They were all true. The only lie was in the way I told them. I just exaggerated. I was sarcastic.

I didn't intend to use his name. But I was just so crushed into dust when you were talking to me that I needed to tell you those stories to defend myself. Yes, that was pathetic. But I was torn inside. And I couldn't show you that.

But it's okay. It's all over now. I'm getting on with my life, pretending to be sympathetic for your situation as your friend (and only as your friend). I understand.

Sabit lang ako sa eksena, kaya hindi ko pwedeng hawakan ang manibela.

To speak or not to,
Where to begin
The great dilemmas I'm finding myself in?
For all I know you only see me as a friend,
I try to tell myself, "Wake up, fool
This fairy tale's got to end..."
-- Balisong, Rivermaya

doesn't that sound familiar?

Coz I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys.
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?

- Scar, Missy Higgins

sing sing sing! (and thus realize something)

It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise; it moves us along...

- She Will Be Loved, Maroon 5

will i ever learn?

I am (very) happy for the dumbest, most shallow reasons.

And I can almost see that those reasons would also be the easiest ones to point out the moment I start to break down again.

lucky you, you were rescued.

I said I wasn't gonna lose my head but then POP! goes my heart.

I can't believe this. I really can't. And I said you're going down the drain, but then people just came to your rescue and cleaned your name.

But still, what I saw had changed your image in my head. And no matter how nice you are, you still remain shallow and superficial in some ways.

Sorry about that.

And what I am more sorry about is myself. I felt bitter about you, but now, I still want to see you. And the more I deny it, the more I feel like a liar.

Maybe I was being judgmental. Maybe I was just overwhelmed with your presence that I expected much from you, thus led me to highlight your flaws. I'm sorry, my bad.

I guess, you have almost went down the drain but still managed to held on to the ridges. And I didn't have the courage to open the faucet and drown you down.

zerosevenzerosevenzeroseven

I should be happy since dates like today's only happen once in every century. But no, today is as uneventful as uneventfulness could be.

I should be studying; reading several chapters by several authors for Socio101. I should be doing my journal for Socio11. I should be reading my readings for Fil40 and PanPil17. But what have I accomplished so far? Nothing. I am as lazy as a sloth could be. Loser, loser me.

The sky had practically cried all day today. The wind was really cold, and considering our house's location here in Cavite, it was really cold. I slept until 10am, and slept again after lunch. I could have read several pages of my readings, but no, I stayed in bed and when I had enough sleep in my head, I downloaded MP3s instead. Call me a very functional person.

I didn't watch the UAAP games. But I saw a blog of my friend saying that UP lost! And my eyes literally grew large. First game of the season and we lost?! Talk about luck.

Wow, 10PM na pala. I'm supposed to have an online conference with my orgmates from UP CRAdLe, but where are they? I am getting sleepy as I am typing this.

I should have made this day special (for myself, of course) since I have waited for this day to come ever since 7 became my favorite (and lucky) number. But no, it was as typical as the other days. Oh well, if July 07, 2007 had turned out to be a schoolday, it would surely be different! But since today turned out to be a weekend, my usual lazy mode had took over me. Poor, poor me.

I really should be reading now. My Socio101 prof *gasp* surprised us with a quiz last meeting and I knew I sucked then. I should have learned my lesson now, but I am really turning rebellious against myself. God help me.

Hooray, I wouldn't have Socio114 for the next 2 weeks. That's 4 meetings all in all. My prof had flown away today to a research project with UNICEF or UNESCO, I can't remember which, in Laos. I am glad to have one less class, but I wish to have lost Socio101 instead. I like my 114 better than my 101, but what can I do? So much for my wishful thinking.

I really should be reading now!

But my CRAdLe conference is now on the roll. I think I have to push my reading for tomorrow. *sigh* I really am turning into a real delinquent. I hate this. I need to work harder.

Oh God, please help me.

(you are) going down the drain

I thought you're unlike them. But no, I was wrong. You're even worse. I can't believe you're that shallow and superficial.

And I am not going to pretend that I am oblivious about that.

PBB news lang

Beatriz won! Not that I'll jump up and down, but she's my bet (not from the start though because I wanted Nel or Robert to win) so I am happy.

And I'm glad Wendy didn't get it! Woohoo! *evil laugh*

ok, so this is my 4th entry for today. Loser, loser me. I know.

> hey wait, it's already July! but my "today" doesn't end until I go to sleep, so let me get things straight. This is my 4th entry for (my) today, and my first one for the month of July. I can't believe June had slipped away that fast.

(So this means, it would be almost a month since I met him. haha singit ko pa talaga db? Loser me.)