Been to hell and back

I am being swallowed whole by doom. Yes, I am. You can call be pessimistic, negative, hopeless, or whatever word you might think of, but really, the way this day had turned out... hell.

First, I spent the whole day trying to enlist the subjects that I need for my summer classes. But did I get any? No. The whole online enlistment thing was really a mess, and we, the enrollees of this summer term are the guinea pigs. The whole process is a test if this system would work, for future enrollments. And I could say that if they want to stick to this policy, they must improve their service. The system had been down several times the whole day, and the pages wouldn't load in time. Wow. They say this is catching up with the latest in technology? Well, I must say that the old ways do still work and are still better.

Second, I didn't get my expected grades for 2 of my subjects. And I believe that I did my best for both of them. Teachers can really be unpredictable.

Third, I almost inquired to another college about their requirements for shifting, but due to the overwhelming span of time I spent in front of a computer monitor for the online enlistment, I opened that college's site for their curriculum. And I found out that I am short of just one unit to their desired number of 33. Sucks.

So due to panic, I decided to get an application form from another college (a different one), of which I haven't really thought of applying into. I just applied to a single degree program (my top priority), but the chance of being accepted is pretty unpredictable. And I am really anxious of being a non-major in the 2nd sem in case I wouldn't be accepted to any course that I have applied to. I couldn't just let that happen. But that is beyond my control.

All of those and more. I am physically, emotionally, psychologically, and all... exhausted. I don't know where my life is going to. I started my college life with a bang, and I am ending my first year with barely a whimper.

I had my college plans outlined in my mind, their gears ready to turn. But now, they are falling apart. I have lost that vision of my future. I don't know where I am going from here. I am so lost.

All my batchmates in high school are safe in their schools, waiting for their bright futures to unfold. I used to be somewhere ahead of them, but now, I am falling behind. I try to console myself with "UP naman ako e, sila hindi..." But it doesn't really make a difference. They would most likely graduate on time, and I would be left behind. I usually had the brightest future ahead, but now its merely a faint spark. I am so negative, I admit. But I just don't want to fool myself that things are going to be all right when they, in truth, are really unpredictable.

I wish that things would get better soon. I hope the prerog system is still up, or else my supposed to be summer classes would be killed. I hope I get accepted into my degree of choice. I hope the enrollment for the 1st sem would be better. I hope to see some light for my future.

Please pray for my petitions. Have mercy to this pathetic, hopeless soul. You would be whole-heartedly thanked and deeply appreciated. Thankyouverymuch.