just whining. wanna hear it?

I know I should be glad. But lo and behold, I am not. I am confused. Lost. And in the middle of nowhere. I don't know where I stand in his eyes. He's all nice to me, but I don't know how to interpret his signs. And by the way, is there really anything to interpret?

Well, it's not everyday that I get to meet someone who's (almost) perfect. And he is. I mean, he's smart, funny, nice, caring, humble, creative, affluent, friendly.. and a lot more. He's just... him. And I find him special. But how does he find me?

Okay, so he walks beside me when we're together in our group. He smiles a lot around me. He sends me all those mundane academic questions in text for no reason. He carried my big, heavy bag once for me (once I mean, for whole 2 hours). And he would be accompanying me to a movie his org is sponsoring. Now, how is that?

I mean, he really is friendly. And I know him for barely 4 months now. I couldn't easily say that he likes me or is just being friendly. Damn. I hate being so clueless. Okay, so I am not that clueless, coz I am not that dense not to see those signs. But are those really signs? Or am I just plainly paranoid?

See, this is the toll that I pay for being one heck of a paranoid. I always try to read between the lines though the truth is, the paper is a bondpaper. I hate it. And now, I am reading again. But the paper is a black colored paper where lines are invisible (that is, if there are lines in there). I hate it.

The sem would be over in a month. Now, what should I do? A friend of mine said that we should conspire a plan so that he would know how I feel. But I disagreed. My pride is at stake there if ever he really doesn't feel a thing. And he answered me with a question of "what if he feels something? You would lose him." As if he's mine. Duh.


Okay, so I am infatuated. This isn't love; that's a freaking fact. But how would I know? I haven't been in it yet. Sure, people would answer, "You would just know it." Hello? How? Would an alarm ring in my ear saying "You're in love!" a gazillion times? Should it? Oh come on. This love thing is so ambiguous and really is vague.

Maybe because Valentines Day was just a week ago, that people are still in a haze. But I am not. My Valentines day was just the same as it was as the other 16 ones of my life. Great. Though I celebrated on that day. it wasn't because it is Valentines Day. It was a roommate's birthday. And we totally got over the fact that couples are just all around us when all of us (single) girls had a bang.

Speaking of Valentines Day, he told me that he went to the Schizofairnia concert. Shucks. I wonder with whom. Oh whatever. he's got his own life and I got mine. Get over it.

Sure heck, I am whining here because of him. I hate it. I haven't been like this before. As if. I hate it. If only he wasn't so nice and so clue-ful (what a word) to me, I wouldn't be thinking this way. I wouldn't be paranoid. I wouldn't be whining on an afternoon like this when I've got a thousand more things to do. But hey, I need to get this out of my system, ASAP. I need to focus on things. Okay, so this is a thing. But I don't want to focus on this. I don't need to focus on this. This situation would settle by itself. Or so I hope.

Now, all I can do is observe. And just chew my tongue so as not to whine again.

*inhales then exhales*

I hope this thing would be over before the sem ends. So I can go on peacefully with my life. Peaceful, I mean without having to think about him or when I would see him again. Whatever.

Things would be okay soon. I hope they would be okay soon. I need them to be okay soon.